Sal the Kitty Called to Jury Duty
Being a cat is no excuse for not showing up
As of now, Sal Esposito must show up in court on March 23. No excuses are acceptable.
When his mom wrote to the court explaining that a) he’s a cat, and b) he doesn’t speak English, the request to be disqualified was denied.
Perhaps that’s because a website for the U.S. judicial system states that jurors are “not expected to speak perfect English.”
Anna Esposito had even included a letter from her vet confirming that the cat was “a domestic short-haired neutered feline.”
“Sal is a member of the family,” she explained. “So I listed him on the last Census form under pets but there has clearly been a mix-up.”
The fact that he has four legs and doesn’t speak English is not, however, the main reason why Sal should be excused from jury duty. Surely anyone with a kitty knows that cats do not listen to the evidence, have already made up their minds before the case is put to them and that they always convict you. There’s no defense.
If a cat is on the jury and you’re the accused, you might just as well plead “no contest” and get it over with!